Break the Sky


“No,” he said with a note of finality in his voice, but his eyes were cast down to his lap. He didn’t want to see the desperate look of those puppy-dog eyes; he just wanted the fight to be over. He hated it when they fought. “Just no, we can’t say anything yet…”

A chair scraped sharply against the linoleum floor as it was pushed back away from the table, and the other boy stood up and slammed his hands down onto the wooden top. He pounded the table again, then once more. “Look at me, Ryan! Fucking look at me!” He hit the table again, this time Ryan flinching and finally looking up from his lap.

“Brendon…” Ryan started then paused, his voice hushed and weary when he continued. “I don’t want to fight about this…”

“No, Ryan, this needs to be decided now, I can’t wait any longer,” Brendon demanded, crossing his arms across his chest. “We at least need to tell Jon and Spencer for fucks sake. I think Shane is suspecting something, anyways, the way I am never home and I’m here all the time. We need to tell someone, it’s time. I mean it’s been… What, practically a year now?”

Ryan looked down at his lap again before hesitantly looking back at his band mate, as if it was painful to do. “But…” he whispered, unsure.

“But what? Then it would be official?” Brendon asked incredulously. “What the hell would be so bad with that? Shit, Ryan, what the hell is the point of us being together if no one knows? I don’t want to keep it a secret anymore, at least not from our friends! Can we at least do that? Please?”

Ryan’s face turned a shade of red, and his eyes instinctively turned back down. “No… No, Brendon, it’s just not the right time… I mean, what if it… what if it ruined everything?”

Brendon’s eyes hardened and his jaw clenched into a painful grimace. “Is that how you see our relationship, Ryan? Is it just some mistake to you? So, when you said you loved me, you only said it because you didn’t think anyone else would find out? Because it could ruin everything? Like, what? The band? Our careers? Or fame? So who gives a fuck, Ryan, I’m willing to risk it, why the hell are you not?”

“I don’t know how to explain it, Bren,” Ryan whimpered pathetically. “I love you, I do, I just… I just don’t know, ok!” His fists clenched in his lap, his nails digging into the palms of his hand. How could he explain it to Brendon to make him understand? He hardly understood it himself.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want people to know; it was just so…scary.  Thinking about telling Spender and Brent, Shane, and Pete, their family… The thought was more terrifying then the first time he stepped on stage.

But Brendon didn’t understand it.

“No, Ryan, no excuses. There is no point in us dating if no one knows. Then we’re just secret fuck buddies, and I’m sorry, but that’s not what I want. Either we tell someone, or…or I’m not doing this anymore.”

That did it. That got Ryan’s eyes to shoot up and stare at him wide and horrified. “What? Brendon, you can’t possibly mean that,” Ryan gasped out, suddenly rising from his own chair. “You…you wouldn’t…” He couldn’t even finish the sentence, his mind coming to a complete halt from the look of absolute seriousness on Brendon’s face.

“I do mean it,” the other boy replied, this time being the one to look away. “I’m dead serious about it Ryan. So tell me now, do I have to leave, or are we going to make us official and let people in on it?” He slowly turned to look back at Ryan, his brown eyes slightly pleading for the answer he wanted to hear.

“I… I just can’t…not yet, Brendon, just… give me a little more time…”

“No,” Brendon said sharply. “You don’t get anymore time, Ryan… I’m sorry, I hate to do this but… We’re over… “  and before Ryan could fully react, Brendon fled the apartment, leaving Ryan in shock.

There was no way that happened; Ryan just couldn’t believe it. He quickly stood and went to the door, throwing it open and looked into the hallway, but it was already empty. He ran to the elevator and hit the call button over and over again, but it wasn’t coming. His feet took him to the stairs and he leapt down them, racing the elevator to the ground floor. He couldn’t just let Brendon leave; they just couldn’t be over. He wouldn’t stand for it.

He ran through the lobby and stood in front of the elevator, waiting for it. The bell let out a ding, and the doors slid open and let out an elderly woman Ryan’s seen a few times who lived on the fifth floor. Brendon wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Ryan could feel his heart racing as he turned towards the doors of the building and ran outside. It was night and the outskirts of the city, but it was still Vegas and the street was lit up. Ryan ran towards the car park where he knew Brendon would have parked then froze at the sight before him   At the next light, just a block away, was Brendon’s car. If he ran, he might make it before the light turned green. He could stop Brendon and change his mind…

He took off down the road as fast as he could, his eyes glued to Brendon’s back bumper. He was so close, he was almost to the car when the light changed and Brendon started to pull forward. Ryan yelled out for Brendon to stop, though he knew the chance of the other hearing him was slim to none. He called out anyways, waving his arms, hoping that Brendon might just look in his review mirror and see him.

Then Ryan stopped suddenly in his tracks. In an instant, the unthinkable happened. The loud, ear piercing screech of tires skidding to a halt, and the unmistakable crunch of metal colliding with metal, and the smashing of breaking glass. The speeding truck crashed right into the driver’s side of Brendon’s car, knocking it into a pole and the sidewalk. Ryan could hear his heart in his ears, pounding faster and faster, and he started off towards what was now a wreckage. He could hear Brendon’s name being screamed, and he recognized it being his own voice.

He stopped at the mutilated metal that used to be Brendon’s car, his eyes widening. His only thought being that Brendon had to be ok- he just had to be. Ryan’s legs were shaky, but they carried him around to the passenger side of the car. Smoke, or steam rose from the engines, and the driver’s side was not only too mangled to access, but there was no way to separate it from the other vehicles.

Ryan couldn’t stop to think about how unbelievably damaged the car was, he tried to just focus on getting to Brendon, and making sure he was ok. He couldn’t imagine how the crushed car would have affected the body inside of it.

He wrenched open the passenger side door, using all the strength he could muster, then screamed inside the interior for Brendon. His own racing thoughts drowned out his voice, and tears spilled from his eyes at the sight that lay before him. It was still Brendon in the drivers seat, but at the same time, it couldn’t have been him. Ryan couldn’t accept that Brendon was in the car, if he was in the car, if he was…

He might not make it, if he was still even alive.

Choking for air, Ryan climbed into the passenger side, trying to ignore the metal that had wrapped itself around Brendon’s left side, or the glass that was scattered around the compartment, or the blood dripping and soaking into the upholstery and splattered the dashboard…

“Brendon!” he screamed, but he got no response. “Brendon, fuck! Wake up! You need to get out!”

He undid the buckled and tried to untangle it from Brendon’s body before grabbing his wrist, trying not react to the blood he felt there, and tried to drag him out of the mess. It took him a few moments to realize he wasn’t doing any good. Brendon’s leg and torso were too secure under the crushed metal. There was no way he could get him out.

What happened next seemed to be a blur, to Ryan. Large hands were suddenly on his waist, and a pair of rescue workers dragged him out. He was gently pushed back from the accident until a police officer had him by the shoulders, questioning him. Nothing she was asking made any sense, the words just melted together. His head spun then stopped as what had just happened registered in his mind, and the realization brought the contents of his stomach up and spit them all over the sidewalk. He coughed and spat out the remnants onto the concrete, then collapsed to his knees, scraping them against the sidewalk.

He only vaguely heard the voice of the officer asking him if he was alright, but he could only respond with tears.

He heard someone shout something about Jaws of Life, and then nothing else. It was a terribly sweet darkness.